All starts with a wish

Wish First 

Music, words, the walk, the hands...

Admitted status: 'work in progress' 

From Cafe to Bar Tabac Satie 

love writing him 

his pace, walk, voices

Tarmac turns blackthorn blossom speckled green 

Underfoot the next dream 

Body: Health on seeing calves in a slaughter truck

(Hum to: Come All Ye Maidens Young and Fair...)

Meat it is a precious thing
and meat brings all things to my mind
meat with all it flavours
along with all its joys
meat brings all things to my mind.

Babies really
right, wrong,
snouts too small
wry words
cliches
stop my feet

Responsible
ownership
crates or not
I'll own my own
do my do
to own what I do
do what I own
see that:

Meat it is a precious thing
and meat brings all things to my mind
meat with all its flavours
along with all its joys
meat brings all things to my mind.

Home: Kitchen: Recipe Aubergine (Puree) Memories

a lemon is better, garlic crushed
nicer

Broad nails, sturdy hair

steady, solid, grounded.

Earth fragrant he cooks

cause I didn’t learn yet.

Patlıcan poor man’s meat

carrier of garlic and spices

mild, pale, flesh vessel

which when unsure,

sprinkled with salt draws

clear drops of unhindered

bitterness, anger

frustration.

Patlıcan is a love affair

the curve of a wrist

the sure supple

knife flick, slice

the boiling kettle

when coloured and soft

the oven

heating the room.

I: top, tail,

half, drizzle oil

in oven

wait…

chop garlic

mix olive oil

vinegar

salt

pepper, stir.

A lemon is better,

garlic crushed: nicer.

when coloured and soft

separate the skin

mix the flesh into: dressing

mix

crush for chunks

chop garlic

whizz for silk

Annem

I watched her

he smiles a line in his cheek

and it tastes

of Istanbul

not the nomad

not the stories:

of goats, sheep,

nights under stars

it tastes

good and alive

of travel

my kitchen

home.

my kitchen
home.

For Chloe: Memory wisdom

Don't really want to talk
not about that
last attempt
it's a thing

To have
the memory
the late afternoon sun

hitting the pavement

The walls
dinner kept
time spend, talking, dreaming:
too late

Are we meeting 

learning 

again from within?

It was too short 

for being that is.

Don't really want to talk
not about my mouth
it's a thing

the blessing
the curse
the late night whisper

hiding within

The soft flesh
the bite
my days being Dutch
teeth

Am I losing
rounding
rotting from within?

It looks too short
for wisdom that is

Rest in peace
I'll be thinking of you

Body: Grandmother's hair and Argan Oil

Dealz Aragon Oil hair treatment €1.49

My father always used to say:
'Be proud of your hair,
there aren't many with hair like us.'
Thin like a spiderweb's thread,
straight with a kink to the right,
light with an auburn hue
that made my grandmother money
before the war.

'The hairdresser paid her to sit
with her hair displayed in his window
as she read magazines and gossiped with her friends.'

Halfway through life
I'd have to agree.
The inherited hair
has served me well
and suits me fine.
But it does need love
so now and then.
Like now;
I've cut it
but not enough
and it keeps being hard to comb.

'Argan Oil,' the child suggests.
So when in Dealz trying to find
little bits to make me feel better
about life and it's challenges
I find a small bottle saying:

I wash, towel dry and then
massage...

Argan Oil, hair treatment.

A 50ml bottle for €1.49 seems like a good deal(z)
and as per the instructions
I wash
towel dry
and then massage
the Argan Oil
into my hair.
Not from the scalp outward
but from those dodgy ends in.

The comb glides,
the hair shines.
And I smile as my friend
compliments me on how well it looks.
'So healthy, so shiny.
Who do you go to?
What did you do?
My colouring alone is costing me a fortune!'

I leave her ramble
my hair has no hairdresser friend
who wants to display it in his window.
I've got a little bottle
and a budget of under a cup of coffee.

I'm proud of my Recession Kitchen hair
as would my grandmother be.

Family: Gratitude, On: walk mind and thinking feet

feel from feeling

I love walking, doing, movement ... I like to think of life as a place of constant change. Walking helps me to see, to know, to connect and to flow. Doing makes me see solutions and find answers. Movement helps me to keep perspective.

I am blessed in many ways, I have luck galore and the Universe trends to smile when I'm around. Too often I take all of the above for granted and so I hereby would like to express my gratitude, for all of it: the opportunities, the chances, the caring, the love, the wonderful helpers, mentors, teachers, angels, saints, ghosts, fairies, gut, the random, the hope, the success, the diversions, the signs, all that and all that doesn't come to mind straight away... Thank you!

The Promise

Walk mind over heels

Walk mind over heels
through thought wishes
thinking thank words
thanking, thank you

Do daily
do from
freedom felt
feel from
feeling, felt belong

Adventure
follow get
follow do
follow wish
follow thought
follow felt

make all mine
take all get
let legs and
and thinking footsteps
run
so felt
thought
wish and do
get adventure
as advertised.

legs and thinking footsteps

Food: Tagliatelli Carbonara, Italian comfort

I see: 

no egg

no egg I say...

The egg makes it

when taken

set aside 

I see: no egg, no egg I say

waiting

Just after the Tagliatelli

waded through mushroom

creamy flesh

silken soaked 

in heated cream.

Al dente cooked dough

crunchy salted fat

succulent coated

black pepper pig

and the egg

stirred at last

the end

into it

before consumption 

even serving

after fire

is cooking like heating

is comfort like no other

the egg 

the egg I say

makes it.

Body: Health Bother Hospital

I get to take a day off from my life.
I get a hospital bed,
a 12 hour fast,
full anesthesia,
tea toast and an army of people
wheeling me,

So I get a day off to contemplate

prodding me,
asking me questions.

Pain is what started this,
sharp, strong and getting worse over time.
I'm not used to complaints
so I do and say nothing
get on with my life
until one morning
there is no energy
to get up.

A string of dates for:
blood, urine, ultrasounds
and physical examinations
come up with nothing
but there are words:
cancer, hysterectomy,
ovaries, polyps,
meno-pause, HRT
they ring loud and clear.

So I get to take a day off
to contemplate what is, was, will be,
won't, might, could and maybe
already is.
A day to be aware of how mortal I am.

A day to be aware of how mortal I am

Family: Kittens opening eyes

Growing fast

meoing

scratching

Searching 

sleeping again.

All the same 

and oh so different

huddled,

growing.

And then

tiny and blue

open eyes

doubled in size

ready for the next

stage:

scramble
amble: life.

Family: Good Friday, Easter is on it's way and the Matthäus Passion (Excerpts 1 to 9)

Good Friday
Before I forget:
eggs, sugar, sunshine
and Bach.

Never a lover of St John
it is St Matthew I crave.
His turn of phrase
the way he shows not tells.
.
Childhood memories:
songs, chorales, standing, arias,
sitting, singing, sleeping, listening.

Mrs Toonder repeating again and again:
Open up
open your mouth
Wide
Relax
Project
Stand still...
and watch the conductor.
He will be there,
waiting.

And Bach he too
moving from chorale to aria
melismatic counterpoint
speaking to us
always clear
always precise
two hours and more.

Erbarme Dich
Blute Nur
Over and over
every year.
I sit and listen
hum, sing along, feel, learn,
know, remember.

Easter is here.




This 1994 dramatized version of the Matthew Passion has been my favorite for some time. Rather than the big Amsterdam's Concert Gebouw setting we sung at as children it is small the soloists partaking in the chorales but no children's choir. Unfortunately the full version doesn't seem to be available anymore. But here are the excerpts which are wonderful... ... Enjoy|!

House: That Spare Room, Making Space

There's nowhere for knees under the table

There's a table which can be used as a desk.
Who do I want to be?
Yes, clothes.
What do I want to be?
Notes from college.
How do I want to express me?
Baby-book, photo's. Unused instruments.

Spare mattresses: a couch.

Are you afraid?
CD's, paperwork, stacks upon stacks.

First, make space to get in and out.
No, no fear.
Room on the floor.
No need to search.
Spare mattresses: a couch.
Just say, sing, play.
Like in the old days.
Be.
There's nowhere for knees under the table.

The instruments like living together.
Let go of belief and known.
If I take some time.
Be open, intuitive.
To become all I think I can.
Feel the road.
In front of the unsorted clothes and paper.
Put feet down.
It's not can't, we just don't.


Move forward, walk.

The instruments like living tohgether